Kennedy's New Chapter

Today was an emotional roller coaster....
For over a month Kennedy has been excessively thirsty...which has lead to her frequent need to use the bathroom. She even drank so much water that a couple of weeks ago she wet the bed...twice...in a week. What?!? She has NEVER wet the bed, even when she was potty training. Her obsessive thirst kept getting worse and worse. At first it was funny, then annoying, and finally this week it became so frequent, it became worrisome. On top of being thirsty over the course of the last week she has become fatigued, irritable, she has been losing weight, and she started complaining of headaches.

In my heart, I knew something was not right. So I did the first thing I always do when I want to find something out. I searched the internet. I looked up frequent urination. The first thing that popped up was urinary tract infection. However, when I looked up the other symptoms of UTI, I knew this was not a possiblity because Kennedy never complained of pain when going to the bathroom.
The next possibility on the list was.....diabetes. WHAT? No way could this be what was going on with KK. However as I read the other symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes my heart began to sink....
frequent urination
excessive thirst
weight loss
fatigue
irritability

My head was spinning. I told my self to calm down, take a deep breath, and realize there is no way you can diagnose diabetes by yourself on the internet. So I called our pediatrician and imediately scheduled an appointment to get her checked out. Then I sat and waited for the appointment - mind spinning. I prayed, "Heavenly Father please help me accept whatever may come. Please help me be strong for KK. Please help me know what to say and do and how to react to this." I sat thinking of what a diabetes diagnosis would mean for Kennedy, shots, insulin, diet monitoring, doctor visits, a lifetime sentence. Tears welled up in my eyes and I sat alone at our kitchen table sobbing, waiting, worrying.

I called Tobey and told him what I had found on the internet and my feelings. He told me that the other night the impression had come to him that she may have diabetes. The moment he told me this, I felt a strange sense of peace wash over me. The Spirit helped me realize that this was what was going to happen and that everything was going to be okay. And although I was still crying and saddened by what was happening, I was at peace. I felt my Heavenly Father's love for me and my family. I knew He was with us, especially with Kennedy, and everything was going to be alright.

I dried my eyes, packed the girls up in the van, and headed to the doctor's office. I told my suspicions to the doctor and he immediately gave KK a urine test. While we were waiting for the results the doctor spoke with us, reassuring us the most of the time it was nothing serious and not to be alarmed. Minutes later he walked grave faced back into the room to tell us what we already knew....her gluclose levels were excessively high...he was referring us to an endocrinologist in Idaho Falls...we need to get over there as soon as we can...it may be diabetes.
At this point I lost it and began crying hysterically in the little exam room. My sadness for what Kennedy was going to have to face overwhelmed me. She is only five...she is terrified of shots...will she ever be able to enjoy little things in life like popcicles...I wish it were me instead of her. Meanwhile Kennedy is only worried that she will have to get a shot like the last time we went to the doctors and she keeps asking me why I am crying so much. I don't know what to tell her...so I just say, "Mommies worry about their kids so much sometimes they just have to cry." I look over at Tobey who is fighting to keep back his emotions. Is this really happening?

We go home and eat lunch. Tobey is crying, I am crying, the kids are wondering what on earth happened to their parents. We pack up the kids, arrange for Paige to go to a friend's house after school while we are in Idaho Falls, ask my sister and my mom (who is in town because Michelle is having her baby this week) to watch Avery and Hadley while we are at this appointment. Meanwhile Kennedy is still wondering if she has to get a shot at this doctor. We try to explain to her that we are not sure what they are going to do, but we know she is sick and they are going to test her to find out what is wrong. Then we drive, silently, to the appointment wishing we knew what to say, but knowing that if we start to talk we are likely to start sobbing again.

We arrived at the Rocky Mountain Diabetes and Osteoporosis Center and I keep staring at the sign...diabetes...diabetes...it seems so surreal. Just yesterday I was laughing because Kennedy had to go to the bathroom FIVE times while we were shopping, now I realize just how serious it all is. Kennedy is immediately taken back where she is weighed, measured, her blood pressure is taken, and then her blood sugar level is tested by a finger prick. The nurse's eyes get huge and she says, "It's reading high. That is not good." What does that mean? I am too afraid to ask so I sit silently, scared, sad, anxious until the doctor comes in and starts to talk to us. Her blood levels are over 500. Normal levels are between 80-140. Our lives are going to change.

Kennedy is diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. This news is not really a shock to us since we had been impressed earlier that day that this was going to be the outcome.
I keep looking at Kennedy. She seems so small, so fragile, and scared. I keep telling her that this is good news. We know what has been making her feel yucky, now we are going to fix it. She looks like she wants to believe me, but she is still afraid she is going to get anther shot. If only she knew just how many shots she was going to get.

The doctor, Dr. Vance, assures us that Kennedy will be able to live a long, healthy life. We just have to understand the process of diabetes and keep her insulin levels in check. He assures us that unlike Type 2 Diabetes, which is brought on by unhealthy eating, excessive weight, and lifestyle, Type 1 diabetes an autoimmune disease. Her pancreas is being attacked by her immune system and is unable to send out insulin. It is not reversible. She will have it her entire life. He names famous sports stars and musicians who have diabetes. I think he was trying to make us feel better. I am not sure it worked.

After speaking with the doctor we were sent to speak with a diabetes educator, Jean. She immediately jumped in and started educating us. We had no idea where to even start. She explained to us the two different types of insulin Kennedy would have to inject each day, when to inject them, how much to inject. She told us about blood glucose monitoring and how to do it. She helped us understand low blood sugar levels and how to bring them back up. She helped me inject Kennedy with her first dose of insulin.

Kennedy was brave. She was scared for the injections and cried as we placed the insulin pen on her leg. She did not know what to expect. My hand was shaking. I did not want to hurt her. She and I both took a deep breath and I injected the tiny needle into her leg, counted to five so the insulin could seep into her body, and then pulled the pen back. She looked at me, her eyes wide. She had not felt the injection. Okay, we can do this. This is doable.

After speaking with Jean and ordering all of Kennedy's needed insulin, needles, blood test strips, and lancets we set up another appointment for Friday and headed for home, our heads spinning with all the information we had just received. Again, I was filled with an immense sense of peace and hope. I do not know why KK has this disease, but I know that we are going to learn from it, we are going to adjust, we are going to grow and become stronger because of it.

Tonight at bedtime I climbed into bed with Kennedy and talked with her about how brave she was. I told her how much I love her and how special she is. I let her know that Heavenly Father loves her and will help her become stronger as she lives with this disease. She asked me if she will get to stop having shots when she gets better. My heart broke for her as I explained to her that even when she starts feeling better, her body will always need the insulin to help her food become energy for her body. She nodded solemnly, bravely and then she broke into a huge smile and said, "Okay." She was so accepting of her circumstances. At that moment she was my hero, my teacher. Oh how I love this amazing little girl.

As much as I wish I could take this sickness from her, I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that God does not give us anything in this life we cannot handle. And because of this, I am at peace. It will be an adjustment. Every time I have to place those needles in KK's body, my heart is going to break for her. Every time she has to pass by the cupcakes, or popsicles it is going to hurt. I only hope that I can be as strong as she is.

As I put my children to bed tonight I was struck by how grateful I am to be their mother and impressed once again just how precious each moment with them is. There is no time to be lax in our relationships with our family. We need to make each moment count and soak in every second with our loved ones, loving them and cherishing them. They are truly our greatest gifts.